did you get engaged???
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize