Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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