Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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