You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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