At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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