I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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