He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
