I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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