I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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