I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
