I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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