When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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