this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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