I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
