The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
