she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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