I'm lost and stupid without you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
