I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
