if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
