I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did you pee in the oven last night??
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
