bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
