I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
