mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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