my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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