I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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