I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
