i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
