oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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