i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
