he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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