We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
