ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
