umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
