mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
