Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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