I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
