So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
