Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She made me pour olive oil on her.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
