..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
