Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The convent might be a nice break from real life
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You ruined the universe
Randomize
