I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
worst night to have a conscience
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
