There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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