I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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