Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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