Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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