Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize