I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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