You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
