the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
worst night to have a conscience
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
