My first STD was from a foam party
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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