Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I could fuck to npr.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
