Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
