I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize