He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize