I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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