I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
