Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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