he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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