Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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